


Just Call My Name

by mcgarrygirl78



Series: New York, New York [9]
Category: The West Wing
Genre: Drama, F/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-05-14
Updated: 2016-05-14
Packaged: 2018-06-08 11:10:17
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,760
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6852283
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/mcgarrygirl78/pseuds/mcgarrygirl78
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>She knew she wanted Danny...there wasn't a single regret she had about the morning except the end.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Just Call My Name

CJ crawled into bed with Danny on a chilly January Sunday as snow blanketed the isle of Manhattan. Instinctively, he drew his arms around her, pulling her close.

"What's the matter?" he asked as her forehead rested on his.

"I had a nightmare." She whispered.

"OK. Are you OK?"

"Just hold me."

"I got you. It's OK."

CJ cuddled in closer as Danny kissed her cheek. She sighed as he did it again. Then he kissed her lips. He pulled away, shocked by his own actions. Leo had been gone a year and a half and not once had either of them made a romantic move. Her eyes were open when he looked at her.

"CJ." It was all he knew to say.

"Danny." She caressed his face.

He pulled her tight to him, kissing her mouth and releasing 30 years of desire onto her. CJ moaned, turning over on her back so that he was on top of her. It seemed so frantic; she yanked down his pajama pants and he gathered her nightgown around her waist. Their lips parted long enough for her to demand sex. Danny pushed inside her, groaning, trying to keep hold of the tidal wave threatening to overtake him. CJ gasped, gripping his shoulders and shifting underneath him.

"Are you alright?" he asked.

She nodded, and this time her kisses were tender as he began to move inside her. The noises she made, oh God, it was exactly how he always imagined. The way she held him and bit his earlobe as he willed himself not to come before she did. CJ was breathing hard, eyes shut, mouth open, and skin flushed.

"Danny." She called out. "Danny!"

She was coming; he could feel her tightening around him…it was the most magnificent feeling in the world.

"Oh God!" she moaned. "Leo!"

CJ gasped before the word had tumbled out of mouth completely. Danny spilled inside of her with no ceremony.

"Oh shit." She said. "Shit, shit, shit! Danny?"

"Shh." He put his finger on her lips. "Don't its OK."

She pushed his hand away. It was many things, but OK was not one of them.

"No. Oh God, I am so sorry."

"Stop it CJ, its OK."

He withdrew from her, getting his first good look at the horror on her face. He closed his eyes.

"I don't know what to say." She said.

"Don't say anything." He pulled her into his arms. "I mean it, it's really OK."

"But it's…and I…oh I'm sorry."

CJ began to cry and Danny rubbed her back.

"Don't cry sweetheart, please. There is nothing to cry about, and we are OK."

Keep saying it Concannon, he told himself, do not let her blame herself. CJ sobbed against him and his heart broke. He loved her so much; he could not let her blame herself. It was his fault.

"Shh, go back to sleep CJ. I'm going to hold you."

"I didn't mean it." She whispered.

"Shh, I know you didn't. Its OK."

"I didn't." she tried to pull away but Danny wouldn't let her.

"C'mon, go to sleep. Let it go, take some deep breaths. I'm going to hold you."

CJ did take deep breaths and Danny listened as her breathing returned to normal and peaceful sleep finally overtook her.

"I love you." He whispered against her hair.

***

When CJ woke up again, it was 9:30 and she was staring at the face of her dog.

"What?" she muttered to Winston. "Where's Danny?"

Winston still stared at her and finally she had to turn away. Getting out of bed, CJ smoothed out her nightgown. Her bottom half felt stiff and rubbery, it had been a long time since she had to recover from the rigors of sex…she and Leo weren't doing it the traditional way for the last two years of his life.

"Danny!" she called his name before getting her bearings and walking out of the room. Winston jumped off the bed and followed. He wasn't in the kitchen, in the den, or any bathroom.

"Danny?" she called out again, though she knew he wasn't there.

He didn't leave a note in any of the usual places: the bathroom mirror, the dry erase board on the refrigerator, a post-it on the TV. She grabbed the cordless from the coffee table and dialed Nora.

"Hello."

"Did I wake you?" CJ asked.

"Sort of. What's the matter?"

"Danny's gone." She sounded frantic.

"CJ, what's the matter? What do you mean he's gone? It is hardly 10am on a Sunday and it's snowing. What's happening?"

"Nora, we made love."

"Who?" Nora asked.

"Who? Wake up Nora…Danny and I. We made love, I screamed Leo's name, and now he's gone."

"He walked out on you! Redheaded son of a bitch! I'm calling Donna!"

"No wait, wait! It wasn't like that. I…can you just come over?"

"Of course, but first I'm calling Donna."

"OK fine, call Donna. Just come over; I don't know what to do. The goddamn dog is staring at me again."

"I'll be there; I promise you. Make some coffee, kick the dog, and smoke a cigarette. I'm coming."

"OK, OK. Alright; I'll see you later."

CJ hung up the phone. She went to the kitchen to make coffee and was getting ready to call Danny's cell phone when the phone rang in her hand.

"Danny!"

"No mom, its Charlie. Where's Danny?"

"Oh hi sweetie. Um, he went to run some errands. What's up?"

"Mom, are you alright?"

"I'm…" CJ's voice cracked. "Sweetie, can I call you back?"

"Mom, what's wrong? You're scaring me."

"No. Don't be scared. It is just one of those mornings, you know." She sucked it up. "Tell me what is going on with you."

"I called with excellent news." Charlie said with the flourish in which she always spoke.

"Oh terrific. Tell me."

"I'm pregnant."

"Oh sweetie, oh Charlie, that is wonderful. When did you find out?"

"I got the call yesterday…Brendan and I went out last night to celebrate. I meant to call sooner but time just got away from us. You're going to be a grandmother."

"I know, oh God." CJ started to choke up again. "Sweetie, is it alright if I call you back?"

"OK mom. Are you sure you're alright?"

"Yeah. I'll talk to you later. I love you Charlie."

"I love you too. Bye."

CJ clicked off the phone and grabbed a mug from the cabinet. She tried to talk herself down from the imminent nervous breakdown. She dialed Danny's cell phone number.

' _This is Danny Concannon. Leave a message_.'

"This is CJ. Where are you? How could you just leave me alone like that? Call me please."

She hung up and poured the coffee.

***

It was noon before Donna and Nora got to the condo. Danny hadn't returned CJ's phone call and she paid one of the kids downstairs to walk the dog and spend an hour or so with him. They all sat in the living room just staring at each other.

"Tell us what happened." Donna said.

"I fucked up, that's what happened! Oh God Donna, I'm sorry. Where is he? How could he just walk out on me after that?"

"Did he finish?" Nora asked.

"Yeah. He didn't have much of a choice at that point. It was either me or the sheets."

CJ sipped her coffee. She went to look out the window at the snowy streets below.

"How far could he have gone? Its snowing and he's 68 years old. What if he fell in a snowdrift or something? He won't answer his cell phone…Danny always answers his cell phone."

"I'm sure he's fine." Donna replied. "Sit down CJ; you're going to give yourself an anxiety attack."

"Yeah." She sat on the couch. "I am so sorry I dragged you guys out in this weather."

"Don't be silly." Nora said. "That's what friends are for."

"Exactly." Donna added.

"It was beautiful, perfect. I just opened my mouth and his name came out."

"Its natural CJ. He was the only one for almost 30 years." Donna said. "You cannot blame yourself; I'm sure Danny doesn't."

"He kept telling me it was OK. Then he was gone when I woke up. Why would he do that?"

"If we knew why men did things," Nora replied. "God, women would rule the world. He'll be back, I mean honestly, where else is he going to go."

***

"Danny, its three o'clock and I am starting to worry. Please, at least call me back. We don't have to do this."

CJ hung up the phone. She relaxed on the couch; Donna and Nora left an hour ago. She had called Charlie back to apologize for belittling her news with her neuroses. They set it up to have a late lunch tomorrow afternoon. Now she pretended to read a book as she went over the morning's events for the 100th time in her head. How did it happen? Her late husband's name was not on her mind when she opened her mouth. Of course, the pistons were firing in her head so rapidly; she had no idea what she was thinking. She knew she wanted Danny…there was not a single regret she had about the morning except the end. The phone rang and CJ let it go three times before picking it up.

"Hello."

"Hi, its Toby."

"Hey Tobus. What's going on?"

"I was getting ready to ask you the same thing. Something is the matter and great lengths are being taken to keep me out of the loop."

"That's not true." CJ replied. "You're being a paranoid nudnik again."

"Is something happening with Danny?" he asked.

"No. Why would you ask me that?"

"Because Nora has whispered his name more than 12 times in the past hour. She and Donna are having a powwow via telephone. CJ, are you two…?"

He didn't finish the sentence, just cleared his throat.

"What are you asking me?" CJ asked.

"I think you know."

"Danny and I are not lovers."

This morning was certainly a dismal beginning to a love affair. She could hear Toby's audible sigh.

"What if we are Toby? You're not going to pull the same shit you pulled when I started seeing Leo. Now you decide to have an allegiance to him. Sometimes you are the world's biggest hypocrite!"

"Whoa, hey, wait! What did I do? CJ, what is the matter with you?"

"Nothing. I'm sorry Tobus."

"It is definitely not nothing. You can talk to me about anything. You know that."

"No. Not about this. I'm sorry that I yelled at you."

"You're falling in love with him?"

"I don't know. I don't know anything right now except he is gone and it is my fault."

She started to cry again.

"Gone? Why are you crying? Is that why Nora ran out of here this morning? Where did he go?"

"If I knew I wouldn't be frantic!" she exclaimed. "I am not going to talk about this anymore. I can't, I can't deal with this drama. Its not supposed to be like this…its…"

"What?"

Toby spoke softly. CJ knew that voice; that was his consoling voice. It was not helping right now. Nothing helped right now. She took a deep breath.

"OK, I have got to stop talking about this. I appreciate it Toby, you know that I do. I have to just go now."

"Yeah. Call me if you need me."

"Yeah. Thanks."

CJ hung up the phone, slamming it down on the coffee table. She fought the urge to throw it across the room.

***

"You son of a bitch! Where are you? How could you do this to me…I don't need this right now. I am so angry with you! If you don't call me in a half hour, I am going to kill you with my bare hands. Call me."

That was the message CJ left for Danny at six o'clock. She had dinner, spoke with Tim, and drew a bath. No, she was not going to wallow in her worries and self-doubt. In the tub, she listened to Nat King Cole. She cried and talked to Leo.

"Tell me what to do; help me to understand. I don't even know how we got to this point. I should have never gotten in his bed this morning. Tell me what to do Leo. I need your help, please."

After the bath, CJ lit storm-scented candles and played Pavarotti on the living room CD player. She walked around in her bathrobe and bare feet, sipping Cristal and trying to clear her mind. Winston had given up his post at the front door an hour ago in favor of the couch, where he was napping. It was quarter to seven when she heard the key turn in the lock. She went to stand in the foyer; wanted him to see her face as soon as he walked in. They just stared at each other for a few minutes before Danny closed the door.

"CJ."

She was breathing hard; he watched her chest rise and fall.

"Bastard!" she slapped him hard across the face.

Danny flinched but took it like a man.

"I guess I deserved that." he said.

"Deserved it? You walked out on me and didn't call all day. I left you three voicemail messages. I was…I was scared Danny."

"I'm sorry."

He went to hug her but CJ backed up.

"Don't touch me! I needed you and you ran. How could you do that?"

"Don't you dare. I am the one who has been here for the seven stages of your grief. Don't you dare jump on your soapbox because I had to run once."

They were both quiet. Danny rubbed what he was sure was a red mark on his face.

"I love you OK. I love you and you called me Leo. Moreover, it is not worth being angry about because he is your husband, but don't act as if I am not allowed to be thrown for a loop or upset CJ. Don't hand me the double standard."

"You said it was OK." She whispered.

"What the hell was I supposed to say? Goddamn you for thinking about the only man you have been with for 30 years. I…it will be OK."

"Well, that's not good enough!" she exclaimed. "I felt like I was losing everything all over again."

She was sobbing and this time when Danny took hold of her she didn't fight. CJ wrapped her arms around his back. They held each other in the foyer for a long time.

"Where were you?" CJ asked.

"I had the 11 o'clock with Mike from Time; I thought you knew about that. Then I met up with some journalist friends to sit and reminisce. I thought it better to stay out and give us both some space. I needed to clear my head. I had dinner with Josh. I wanted to call you a hundred times but I didn't know what to say. I can't…I can't look at this morning like a mistake."

CJ pulled away from him.

"Don't you dare say that, because it wasn't. It was wonderful and…I wanted to make love to you. I want us to be together."

"We are together Claudia. I am not leaving you, but I also don't want to rush you. I can wait as long as we need to."

He pulled his face to hers and when their lips touched, CJ sighed and melted against him.

"You're not rushing me." She said when the kiss was over. "We are exactly where we need to be. Promise me you won't ever walk out on me again."

"I promise. You will always know where I am. Tomorrow I will go down to City Hall and be fitted for an electronic anklet."

CJ smiled, but didn't laugh. She hugged him again, enjoying the feel of his body close to hers. He wasn't Leo, he was Danny, and she was falling in love with him. He ran his fingers through her hair, still reddish gold but mostly gray.

"I really need to take a warm shower." He said. "Its fucking nut busting cold out there."

"Oh God, hurry before you catch a cold. I'll make a fire and make you some coffee, OK?"

Danny nodded, kissing her hand before going up the stairs. CJ let go of the breath she had been holding for 9 hours.

***

After his shower, Danny joined CJ on the couch by the fire as she watched McMillan and Wife on cable. When he sat down, she moved into his arms. It wasn't the first time they lay like this, but tonight felt different. It felt that way for both of them but no one said anything. It was written in the air they breathed.

"I made you some coffee. Drink it so you won't catch cold."

"If I do it will be my own fault." He replied.

"Yeah, pretty much."

Danny smiled, sipping the coffee. She made it exactly how he liked it…she knew how he liked everything. He did wondered how she did what she did.

"How do you do this Claudia Jean? How do you know what I need?"

"I was raised by men…it's an instinct."

"OK. McMillan and Wife, huh? What are our favorite married sleuths up to?"

"Nick and Nora are our favorite married sleuths. But Mac and Sally are investigating a death at the racetrack." She looked up at him. "Give me a kiss."

"Yes ma'am."

He kissed her softly. CJ ran her hand down his chest, moving his bathrobe apart to kiss him there. Danny closed his eyes. He wanted this, wanted her attention, affection, and most definitely her body, but he never wanted a repeat of this morning.

"What are you doing?" he asked. "Come here."

He pulled her back to his mouth and they kissed as the seconds turned into minutes. CJ leaned back on the couch, bringing Danny with her. He didn't try to fight it…he couldn't have even if he wanted to. Neither made a move to undress themselves or one another; for now kissing was just fine. The phone rang and Danny buried his face in the crook of her neck.

"Ignore it." CJ instructed.

She pushed her bathrobe aside, wrapping a long leg around him. Danny couldn't stop the moan that escaped from him. The machine picked up but there was just a dial tone. He pushed the bangs from her forehead and kissed her. He kissed her eyelids, her cheeks, and the underside of her chin before capturing her mouth. CJ caressed his robe clad back, shifting underneath him until she felt his erection on bare skin.

"Lose the robe Danny." She whispered.

"You too." He said.

They had never seen each other naked before; she had not even gotten a good look at him that morning. Their nervousness pierced their anticipation. Danny took off his robe and threw it on the floor. CJ went to remove hers, her eyes downcast. Danny took hold of her hands.

"Look at me Claudia Jean." He said softly.

She did, and he could see the feelings in her eyes; she wanted to be there. He untied the robe, leaving it underneath her as she pulled her arms out to slide them around his neck. Finally, skin on skin. Her breasts pressed to his chest as he moved her thighs apart and slid his erection inside her. CJ closed her eyes but Danny asked her to open them.

"Look at me. Its OK."

She smiled as Danny began to move. He seemed to be fond of the slow beginning and that was fine with CJ; she was a bit rusty at this. He bent his mouth to her breasts, sucking and kissing softly until CJ whimpered.

"Oh Danny."

He was moving faster, holding her hips as he thrust in and out.

"You're so beautiful. I love you so much."

CJ arched her back and cried out her pleasure. She felt herself coming, the glorious feeling of freefalling. Biting down on her lip, CJ had no idea what would come from her mouth. Danny caressed her face; he was almost there too.

"Let go CJ. Open your mouth and let it go."

"Danny!" she exclaimed, her orgasm moving through her and catching him.

He groaned as he exploded, then he exhaled.

"Don't move." She said.

"Alright."

She held him on top of her and loved the feel of his heart beating on hers. CJ ran her hands down his back.

"I love each and every one of your freckles." Her voice was laced with a desire Danny never heard.

He laughed.

"You do?" he asked.

"Yes, I do." She kissed him.

"CJ, I'm still…"

"I know. Don't move."

"Wanna tell me why?"

"This is the way I like it…it's the only way we do it. Its one of the rules."

"Should I write it on the refrigerator?" Danny asked. "House Rule #14: must stay inside CJ until she says so."

CJ laughed, kissing him again.

"Yes, we will write it on the refrigerator. The guests will love that."

She allowed Danny to pull out but they remained naked on the couch.

"That was wonderful. I'm so happy Danny."

"Good. I always want to make you happy. I love you."

"I know. I want to be able to say it and mean it 100% because that is what you deserve."

"I know how you feel about me CJ. The rest waits until we're ready. We certainly don't have forever but I know we have enough time for that."

CJ nodded, relaxing in his arms. Her life was changing again; it didn't seem possible at 63. She was getting ready to be a grandmother and falling in love.

"Penny for your thoughts." Danny said, nuzzling his face in her hair.

"Charlie's pregnant."

"Oh wow, you're going to be a grandmother. Congratulations sweetheart."

He kissed her and CJ smiled.

"What does that make me?" he asked.

CJ pulled him on top of her.

"We definitely have some time before that question has to be answered."

Danny wanted to say more, ask more questions, but his body turned against him. His brain focused solely on her. The way she made him feel, on her wanting to be together, on soft kisses and softer touches. On his future with CJ.

***


End file.
